Football!
On Thursday night my friend Brett said he didn't remember what his life was like during the non-football part of the year, that it was like a bad dream he'd had. I pointed out that he was awake, and he was watching football, so logically he must've been dreaming that there was a time when football wasn't being played. A bad dream, indeed.
We were watching the Divinely Blessed vs. the Plundering Destroyers (aka Saints v. Vikings). At some point during the telecast there was a gross, disturbing image onscreen that looked like a lumpy, purplish potato. I think it was supposed to be a picture of Brett Favre's ankle. Brett Favre has played what now, 2 million games in a row, something like that, right? I realized that he keeps playing because he's finally come to understand that he can't actually be truly injured, unlike every other football player that exists.
The Saints looked awesome again, especially considering this was Week One. The best football teams have clearly established philosophies that guide how they build their team and how they play the game. For the Vikings it's something like power, brute force; they come at you in unstoppable waves, from both sides of the ball. It's impressive, a real onslaught. The Saints, they're about speed, they throw pinpoint daggers; but more than anything, they come with a coordinated and deadly intelligence, the singular offspring of a night when Einstein and a lady cobra got down and dirty together. Other defenses carry this mindset of: We're going to stop you on every play. Anyone who's ever played Tecmo Bowl (original NES) knows things don't break down like that; there is luck in football, the offense calls a screen when you've got the blitz on, whoopsy-daisy. The Saints defense is different. They wait, they're willing to let the small things go by. They're always watching for your mistake, and you'll make it, even you Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl and my god, the Saints will take your mistake and make you eat it, shit for breakfast for you Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne. Did you hear Tracy Porter in his post-game interview? He didn't say "Me, look at me, look what I did!", he said "The team, the coaching, the game-prep, the play-call!" Go back and watch that tape, it's what cemented my understanding of what the Saints are and why they won that game.
So yeah, the Saints look good again. But it's a long season, anything can happen; Fate is a devious and cold mistress, any real football fan knows that by now. As usual with the epic theatre that an NFL season has become, there are a vast array of questions and interesting personal destinies out there. Cowboys v. Redskins, Sunday night. Great game. Seriously, Eagles? You traded your star quarterback to your division rivals? And you did this after the aforementioned Redskins hired Mike Shanahan as their coach. Something coming out of Philadelphia smells slightly stupid these days. And as for the Cowboys, well, I'm sorry for Dallas fans. You have two excellent professional sports teams with two big, fat Meddlers for owners, and a team with a Meddler for an owner is never going to win a championship of anything. Anyone see Tom Benson telling Sean Payton who to draft, or Dan Rooney telling Mike Tomlin who to throw the ball to, or Robert Kraft doing anything but getting the heck out of Bill Belichick's way?
Redskins v. Cowboys nicely illustrated the point. The Redskins have been a talented mess for several seasons now. They hired a coach this past offseason (Shanahan) who, as the winner of 2 Super Bowls, was able to choose his own coaching destiny, and that meant choosing a situation in which he would have control. Having a guy in control of the ship means that a single controversy, ala the uber-talented and mega-pouty Albert Haynesworth, doesn't actually end up severely rocking the boat. Then we look at the Cowboys, the also uber-talented, eternally undisciplined Cowboys. Like real cowboys, these guys apparently also carry pistols, which they use only to repeatedly shoot themselves in the foot. Did you see the game? Did you see how it ended, on an offensive penalty, one of the most blatant holds I've ever seen in my life? It looked like the Cowboys' tackle was trying to hold, trying to do the best job possible of illustrating just what exactly a holding penalty looks like. If I were a Redskins fan I'd be feeling good about things: I think Haynesworth loves playing football more than he loves anything else, and as he sees the team winning I think he'll come around. Cowboys fans? Um, better luck next decade; your team will be entertaining, but it won't be a champion.
Finally, my Broncos. I didn't see the game. They lost. And honestly, thank god. That 6-0 shocker of a start last year had them all seeing stars, and when they started to lose they had no ability to conceptualize and deal with the reality of losing. It was a difficult season. They are not a Super Bowl team, let's just clear that off the table. But they play in a weak division, they've got a roster of players more clearly in line with the wants and needs of their 2nd-year coach. They got punched in the gut last year, they know what it feels like now. And they have Champ Bailey, who likes to pick off Tom Brady passes in playoff games and run 99 yards in the opposite direction; Praise be his Name.
Football is back. And it's going to be a great season, because it is football. Football!
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