Heroin Has Nothing on Football

I don't like watching television. In general, watching TV makes me feel old, tired, stupid, angry. I loathe commercials; I think (hope) that most of the people involved with making TV ads will spend the afterlife in a private circle of hell, staring at a television that shows nothing but ads, and none of the ones that are actually somewhat amusing.

Football, for me, is the huge exception. In many ways, I think that the main purpose of TV is to show football games. There are, oh, maybe 4 or 5 activities in life which I find perfectly satisfying, activities I can engage in with 100% of my attention. Eating is great, but afterwards there is either a bill to pay, or dirty dishes to wash. Sex is obviously pretty cool, but afterwards there's the talking you have to do when you just want to fall asleep. The thing with football, is that there are no negatives. The only bad thing about watching a football game is that it will end, and that I will have to do something other than watch football when the game is over.

This is the beauty, though, of being addicted to football, as opposed to another substance which is equally addictive; like, for example, heroin. I have never tried heroin, and I don't plan to, because it doesn't have the same curbs built into its usage system that football does. I mean, from what I know about heroin, I'd imagine that its effect is pretty wonderful: you take it and everything bad or worrisome or scary in life just melts away, and you feel, well, pretty wonderful. But the problem with heroin is that there's always more to take, and no reason to stop taking it. The only built-in curb on heroin use is lack of money, and that's not much of a curb, really, because you can always get more money; for example, by stealing the neighbor's flat-screen television, which is a really bad thing to do, because then the neighbor cannot watch football.

But a person cannot get "more" football. Once the last game of the weekend is over it's just plain over, and you cannot get more until the next weekend. Once football season is over, you cannot get more football until the next season begins. Football-watching is available only in limited quantities and during set periods, which makes it one of the best addictions available. Having addictions is just a basic reality of human existence. Which is one of the reasons for this blog's title, because without football, I would probably be using a ton of heroin.

But I don't need heroin, because I have football. Football!